a ghost story

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There is this hell inside me where the flames are mesmerising

it’s shape fits your outline

that grows and shrinks every time you walk in, walk out.

Tell you what,

i’ll be the empty house and you be the ghost.

I’ll keep my favourite illusions about us in tiny glass jars

like portable mausoleums.

What do you want for dinner?

I’m leaving you

Shall we watch The 7:30 Report?

You’ll never seen me again

I’ve made your favourite dessert

You can keep the house

The funny trajectory of feelings.

They rise up, you take note, they fall away

some don’t fall away

becoming embedded in your bloodstream

and there’s my only enemy right there

inside me

and no matter how much I vacuum the cracks in the floor, my childhood just doesn’t change

but maybe, just maybe if i do everything the opposite way i was taught, i might survive.
I thought you were the face of that new way,

my very own swashbuckling hero
but after awhile, getting your hopes up

becomes an extreme sport in itself.

If only i knew this: the best way to keep our romance alive is never getting to know each other.

Refunds for emotional disappointment should be a thing
and weddings should happen under water,
the suffocating non-air
can break you in for your future.

You’re working back again?
What’s her name?

You know, there’s a freedom that comes with being forgotten

I can relax and become a mountain again
free of perfecting myself

to outshine all your golden girls

who compete for the crown in your secret world.

I would cry about it,

but i bought 80 pairs of shoes instead,

It will show up on your bank statement.

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4 thoughts on “a ghost story

  1. Pingback: a ghost story | Emma Magenta

  2. Thanks for sharing Em. nice articulation of denial and its impact on relationship – and bank accounts. I like the lines about feelings becoming part of your bloodstream. Does the protagonist learn to place some responsibilty with her emotionally/physically absent partner at some point? Or is she stuck with perhaps being married to her parents? Or is this all just universal, and it is foolish to expect more from a material reality incapable of more? Love ya work xxo

  3. Dear Emma,

    Thanks for the huge smiles in my face: “I’ve made your favourite dessert – You can keep the house”

    I know that you know … but I love to repeat, as to program myself: the solutions are NEVER in the outer world. Romance – or the idea of it – is one of the stronger prisons of the so controlled mind … We are all addicts – addicted to feel good. Real freedom is to let go the need to feel good.

    Love, Chaukee

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